The Sorrow Proper by Lindsey Drager

Author:Lindsey Drager
Language: eng
Format: epub
Tags: The Sorrow Proper
ISBN: 9781938103001
Publisher: Dzanc Books
Published: 2015-03-15T00:00:00+00:00

THIS IS HOW THE photographer knows that love is the study of change: it is first ice cubes melting along the thin muscle on the inside of her thigh, her damp toothbrush, the rush of risk. And afterward, the wet smell of flowers, revised plans, paying off her debt.

Come nights, the photographer pours himself wine in mugs and watches the videos he took of her. He had compromised, refused to photograph her, but since she wanted documentation, proof, he taped them now and then. Now he watches the films for hours, featuring nothing in particular, her shifting back and forth across the kitchen counter doing dishes, shaving her legs in the tub, sleeping at night, the rise and fall of her chest like an inverted metronome.

Sometimes, in bed, she took out a tape measure and wrapped him in it, recording her results. He watched her move around him: she the scientist, he the subject, the study. She kept her notes in her bedside table drawer and periodically adjusted them: the loss of a fraction of an inch around the thigh, a gain at the waist. One night she asked if he wanted to try, and when he said Why? her answer came through hands so matter-of-fact that he was ashamed to have asked.

Dimension, she said, her forehead crimped, the tape measure set between her teeth. Practicing good love is knowing their body better than your own, she said, and pulled the pencil from her hair, made a quick mark in her notebook, and stretched him out on the bed.

Now he sits watching her on the screen, sleeping, her mouth slightly open, the features of her face comfortable, relaxed.

He is surprised when suddenly his thumb breaches the camera’s frame. He had almost forgotten he’d been on the other side.

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